*Instructions Not Included

I was born in 1981. I was told I could be anything I wanted to be. I was told I was special, I was told I had the world at my fingertips. The world was my oyster. I had the keys to the kingdOMG WTF DO I DO?!

I'm gonna let you guys in on a little known fact. Life is really hard. Figuring out what "to do" in your life is the most complicated and stressful task you might undertake. When it comes to defining what the meaning of your life is, you want to think it's like opening a fortune cookie with this big aha moment. But, it's absolutely nothing in any possible way like this. In fact, I will surmise you will have revelations to what you think you should do with your life several times. Probably at least twice throughout reading this post. Which would probably be blogger because you're convinced you can "do this shit better than this twat". Which...you right.

To bring a little background to me, I've done a lot of weird shit, man. I've been an Emmy Nominated Producer, a hair salon owner, a retail manager, sold Yu-Gi-Oh cards at a kiosk in the mall, a marketing manager, middle school teacher, and a booking agent for an escort (long story). Most of these jobs could be a great, solid career. So, why am I still not in them? Well, because I'm a picky idiot who can't just focus on making a paycheck and keep searching for that "thing" that makes me truly happy. Whew, that was rough to say out loud. But, it's absolutely true. Although these jobs could lead to long careers if I would have just stuck them out and would provide well for my Daughter they just didn't feel right. They weren't sparking my passion, they weren't making me feel like I was making a difference for myself.

This really is such a whiny, millennial thing to say, I know. However, I know for a fact tons of people feel this exact same way. Many, even older than me. What exactly is the reason for this feeling? Dude, I don't know, if I did I wouldn't be writing this I'd be busy doing my passion in life.

I blame Steve Jobs actually.

It is this exact quote that has haunted me for years. It spoke to me better than any fortune cookie ever has. Better than any horoscope or dumb tarot card reading my ex-girlfriend tried to give me. Why should I listen to this? Steve Jobs dropped out of one of the best colleges on the west coast, created a multi-billion (or trillion depending on how into the future you read this post) company out of his garage. He had an idea, a brilliant one, and the money and means to execute. What do I have? I have a podcast where I talk about B-movies and sometimes I stream video games on the internet. Wow, when you put it like that, frick.

So, what is my passion? What do I like to do? I love putting on a show. I like to be funny, I like to write (when I have the motivation and discipline). I would love to try my hand at being a writer, but I don't have the writer's bug like really successful writers do. I start projects and abandon them because I get discouraged. To be honest, I wouldn't even know what to do with a book or a screenplay if I finished one. I've also considered comedy, but I don't actually think I'm funny. It's a dilemma friends. A true enigma.

I'm currently contracted to be a middle school teacher until June 22nd. The school district I'm at has decided to end the contract with the company I work for. Unlike other jobs where I've left for something else, I have lots of time to contemplate what to do come June 23rd. I don't have the certifications to be a teacher, nor do I think I'd wanna be one. Unless I could be like Dumbledore. I'd be an amazing Dumbledore. 10 points to me for being fucking awesome. Nailed it. I've worked at almost every marketing agency in my town, and because of my family situation I'm unable to move. So what do, man? I could go back to retail and eventually explode, but the real issue is retail hours and rarely seeing my kid.

This post doesn't have a happy ending. Or any ending for that matter. Feel free to tell me I suck or what you think I should actually be doing with my life. I'll take any suggestions.