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Measuring success

Everybody is a Genius. But If You Judge a Fish by Its Ability to Climb a Tree, It Will Live Its Whole Life Believing that It is Stupid

The above quote, allegedly from Albert Einstein, was brought up recently and it got me thinking. I've recently started a new job with an entirely new group of people. People who don't know anything about me and now are learning about my past. As I list a bunch of the past careers and experiences I've had I realized I've actually done a lot. Many of the things I mentioned in passing might seem like great accomplishes to some people. So, why don't I feel successful?

I'm not going to go into great detail and chronicle my entire life story, I'll leave that to my autobiography, estimated release in 2050. I will, however, list a few that might be considered monumental.

  • Appeared in several theatre productions, one most notably from Director Arthur Storch on Syracuse Stage

  • Was in a LOW BUDGET TV Movie

  • Toured in a band that opened for large acts in that genre

  • Opened a business

  • Got married

  • Had a kid

  • Emmy Nomination, NYS Broadcaster Award, 13 Ad Club Awards (video production)

  • Community Manager/Tournament Organizer for major Trading Card Game

To name a few. These are major accomplishments. And there could even be people out there where any one of these would be seen as a huge success. But, I just don't feel it. I finally narrowed down WHY I didn't feel successful. It all came down to how I was measuring success, and the fact that I wasn't working towards a goal that would be defined by that measurement.

I reached out to a few people and asked them "How do you(personally) define success?" Here are a few answers I received:

Rachel "Happiness. I figure I'm not successful if I'm not happy"

Solon "I haven't yet figured out the answer to this question"

Victoria "Set a goal, achieve it, feel proud and happy, rinse and repeat..."

Andrea "I Steve Jobs it: Your work is going to fill a large part of your life, and the only way to be truly satisfied is to do what you believe is great work. And the only way to do great work is to love what you do"

Mikelene "Happiness is different for everyone. Some see it as having money, some see it as having a soul mate and someone else may see it as having good friends. I think happiness is what you want it to be"

Yajha "Success, to me, means you're happy"

Dejuan "successful people do daily what unsuccessful people do occasionally"

Dani "Success, to me, is the name you use to label goals that you have achieved. To have success, you have to have goals."

All these people are different ages, have different backgrounds, different genders, and different races. There's definitely an overall theme however.

Happiness.

Well, shit, it's that easy! Just do something that makes you happy! Duh. But, here's the problem I have. ALL of these things I've done have/still do make me happy. I loved being a community manager for a TCG, but it got tiring, time consuming, and didn't pay well enough to support me(err, didn't pay at all aside from product). Touring in a band was awesome, but, I was young and had no idea the things I do now. Also keep in mind this was before YouTube and Social Media so it was substantially harder to build an audience(Yes, I am that old). Why don't I feel successful?

The easy-out is I am on the cusp of being a millennial, I was born in 1981, so you could chalk it up to me feeling entitled, or the whole MTV Generation where everyone was convinced they would grow up to be super rich rock stars. And obviously I did think this, who doesn't? But there is a deeper layer to this and my psychology professor would be furious if I didn't peel back a few. I kept measuring each career/venture/experience with the same goal. That's not only absurd, but it completely set me up for failure! (Re: the quote at the top of this article). Turning this revelation outward has let me have a whole new perspective on how I judge others as they push to their goals as well. Namely, I'm going to start asking what success means to them and what, if anything, can I do to help. Knowing this information changes everything.

If I am consulting with a business owner but I assume their only goal is to make lots of money, I will guide them to top revenue strategies, cost cutting, and smart investments with high ROI. However, if that same business owner says they just want to be known, I would completely adjust to lots of advertising, events, PR, and community outreach. All of which might result in a loss of money, or a break-even scenario but would help them reach their individual measurement for success.

Many of my friends are full-time streamers on Twitch. They are essentially the same as my business consulting example above. Some of them are after money, lots of subscribers, tons of donations, and sponsorships. Which, truthfully, is perfectly fine! Even if you don't want to watch/support a streamer like that, as long as they are running their channel with respect and dignity(and within Twitch's TC) that is a perfectly fine business model. But, others may want that notoriety. They crave the attention, the respect, the being a part of a larger community or movement. Lots of other reasons that could guide them. Even with that being said, they may all measure success differently.

I looked at so many of my experiences with the wrong measurements. I was scoffing at them like a fish at a tree. Shame on me. Shame on all my friends that didn't recognize this and stop me. Shame on me for shutting my friends out and not letting them know what I wanted as success. The next hurdle is finding that perfect opportunity, with my unique limitations, that allows me to fulfill my measurement for success. Furthermore, establishing what success looks like at my specific time and celebrate small wins.

I have never been more intellectually matched with anyone as I have with my most recent ex-girlfriend. When I asked her this question she was able to articulate what I only was able to feel. Our answer is very similar to the ones listed above, but the last part is what clinches it for me and makes this the part I want to accomplish the most. I'm going to leave you with how I define success, through her words:

Success is finding what you love and being able to do that everyday without sacrificing.

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